Thursday, March 24, 2011

The Stoning of Soraya M.

I just finished watching the movie The Stoning of Soraya M. and it completely tore my heart open. How drastically different are the cultures of the world — and in some ways, how horribly tragic. As a woman I have known freedom and independence since I could talk. I have always known I could pursue any dream I chose. And I have always learned to expect respect — from men and women alike.

I've never really thought much about the practice of stoning. The word brings to mind a Bible passage in which Jesus tells a group of people about to stone a woman, "Whoever is without sin, throw the first stone." I've never put it into modern perspective — for me, it's never lived in the realm of the present. Until now. I've never actually imagined a stoning. I've never imagined a person (likely a woman), being buried up to her waist in the ground with her hands bound. At first those personally offended throw stones — one by one. Her father. Her husband. Her sons. Her spiritual leader. God, I can't imagine the pain of each stone striking her face. And then the rest of the town has their turn. I never realized how long it could take for a person to die this way. And they all watch. Even the kids. They cheer. It makes me want to be sick, knowing that such evil exists. I wish Jesus could have been there in person for Soraya. But that's impossible. Why? Because it happened in 1986. Nineteen eighty six. Unbelievable.

Of course, much of what makes me want to scream through my sobbing is the fact that in this particular instance, the woman is wrongly accused. In a world where women have no rights, it is impossible for Soraya to prove her innocence. As the mayor of her town explains, "When a man accuses his wife, she must prove her innocence. That is the law. On the other hand, if a wife accuses her husband, she must prove his guilt. Do you understand?" It's so hard for me to imagine a place where women are so small. I love Soraya's aunt in the movie. She is fierce and wonderfully courageous. In a country like the US, she would have been a great leader.

Now I'm sitting here not quite knowing what to do with myself. On one hand, I feel utterly grateful. Grateful and undeserving. Why was I lucky enough to be born in a country where I would have every opportunity to find love and success and happiness? And if I have daughters, they will know all the same freedom — for that, I am already thankful.

I also feel stuck. It's a problem so outside of me and my sphere of influence. I feel like I have no idea where I'd even begin to make a difference. And then, of course, I start thinking about all the places in the world where change needs to happen. Including on my own street. It's so overwhelming to think of all the need that it makes me want to pretend like it doesn't exist. Do all the tears I've shed over Japan help? Will God hear my small, naive prayers about a city and a problem I can't even begin to comprehend? What difference does it make that at present my heart is broken for women throughout the world who have no voice? I glance at the muted TV and see celebrities and diamonds and cleavage (and in light of the topic, what might be seen as an absolute waste of female independence). How do I balance the tragedy with the joy? How do I begin to make a difference?

I believe God wanted us to live in paradise and that someday we will. My prayer is that in the meantime all of us will get to experience and savor glimpses of Eden and that out of our gratefulness we will be able to take steps to repair all that is broken.

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Summer daydreaming

The amazing sunshine today is making me antsy at work. I am daydreaming about the summer that feels like it is right around the corner! Here are some of the things I'm most looking forward to:

+  Getting some dirt under my fingernails in the garden

+  Planting lavendar

photo by ルーク.チャン.チャンvia PhotoRee


+  That feeling of cool, soft grass on bare feet

+  Watching my hydrangeas bloom

photo by Pink Fluffyvia PhotoRee


+  Sitting outside on warm nights with my hubby and a glass of wine

photo by rwpearyvia PhotoRee


+  Taking long bike rides

+  The Georgetown Farmer's Market

photo by Thomas Hawkvia PhotoRee


+  Wearing more soft, pretty, girlie things… like this shirt from anthropologie

Monday, March 14, 2011

Small joys

I'm coming off a weekend that wasn't exactly fun, there's stress at home, there's stress at work, and there is tragedy half a world away. Today I need to open my eyes to small joys before I am engulfed by this yuckiness.


My small joys for today:

+  A refreshing smattering of rain after the gym.

+  The thousands (and thousands!) of buds springing up on every tree and shrub.

+  Looking forward to next weekend and (oh, how I hope!) good time alone with hubby.

+  The fact that I got to wear my new flower skirt yesterday. Felt so cute!

+  My new coral lip gloss. Makes my lips look like summertime.

+  Looking forward to Jillian kicking my butt when I get home.

+  …and the fact that it's starting to smell like spring.


Friday, March 11, 2011

Showing Cancer Who's Boss



What a wonderful night we had last night! So many people came to support Darrick. He was fabulous behind the bar — looked (really) sexy in his black button up, did some crazy bar flair, and made a gajillion amazingly delicious cocktails. I am so proud of him and so honored to be his wife.

The Fabulous Hammers were, well, fabulous. There was drinking and dancing and laughing. It was a blast!



Our goal is still to sell at least 60 more books, so if you know anyone who wants one, they can donate $20 here, email me their address and we'll mail it out! The Mill-E-Wah-Que (Cody and Lynne Pearce) was the hit of the night, followed closely by Ahhhhhhmazing (yours truly) and the Mother-in-Law (mommy dearest!). You better get excited to get your book in the mail!!!

Wednesday, March 09, 2011

BE-ing time

Excerpts from Walking on Water, by Madeleine L'Engle

"I sit on my favourite rock, looking over the brook, to take time away from busy-ness, time to be. I've long since stopped feeling guilty about taking being time; it's something we all need for our spiritual health, and often we don't take enough of it.

Slow me down, Lord… When I am constantly running there is no time for being. When there is no time for being there is no time for listening."


For lent, I am giving up time. I am giving up time to sleep in or extra time to primp in the mornings, and I am using it to "be still and know that He is God." How else will He be able to change me? I am praying (in Whitney's words) that through this practice of being, I will find my own slice of "Bramasole" right where I am.


Tuesday, March 08, 2011

He makes beautiful things

I had a tough night last night. Actually, I have been having a tough time lately. It's hard for me to have a full house. I crave peace. I crave silence. I desire time to myself and I desire time alone with my husband. Now that we have four people under our roof, quiet moments are rare. It makes me want to escape. I am reading Under the Tuscan Sun right now (so incredibly different than the movie, by the way). They buy a home named Bramasole, which means "yearning for the sun" (and how I am yearning for the sun right now!). In a chapter I read last night, the author talks about going for hours without the need to speak, and sitting all morning on a terrace with coffee and a book and a view. It sounds like a glorious escape. 

But then, I think, I don't want to escape. What I want is to change. I don't like me this way. I don't like my impatience or my selfishness or my tired spirit. I hate that it is so hard for me to love unconditionally and sacrificially without anything in return. On most days, this is the way God loves me — with nothing in return. Why then, is it so difficult for me to do the same for his other children? I feel broken and utterly disappointed in myself. I went to sleep last night feeling like a hopeless mess, and woke this morning feeling the same.

And then I went to Chapel today. How grateful am I to work at a University where I am allowed and encouraged to spend part of my day worshiping and learning. Our speaker, Joy Moore, talked about how as Christ followers, our lives are about living before telling, and doing before speaking. Jesus, she reminded us, always acted before He spoke, and when He spoke, He merely explained what He had already demonstrated. Awesome. This is exactly where I am feeling like a wreck. Her words fly straight into the core of me. But then (always a "but") she asks, "How can we do that?" And her answer? "Because Jesus isn't lying in a grave… He is making lumps of clay images of holiness." Sweet, sweet hope. Jesus rose. He lives. He is in me and slowly (so slowly) he is making me new. Then we sang a gorgeous song by Gungor (Beautiful Things Video).

The chorus:

You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of the dust
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of us

You make me new, You are making me new


And then we walked out of the church to a tree newly covered in gorgeous fluffy pink spring blossoms. Another reminder of God's ability to make things new. Thank you Jesus, that you have plans to transform this 'lump of clay' that is me.

Sunday, March 06, 2011

I think it was the salsa...

The quesadilla last night was delicious. The salsa, however, is waging war on my body. "Waste not, want not" does not apply in this scenario — if your salsa is old, please throw it out! Was up last night getting some awesome face time with the toilet, and today I feel like I've been hit by a dump truck. Curse you, delicious condiment, for tricking me into eating you.

Time to attempt to sleep it off...

Saturday, March 05, 2011

What am I doing?

I never thought I'd start a blog because I don't think I'm all that interesting. But really, the blogs I read aren't necessarily interesting. They're just everyday average people, each living this messy thrilling life in some corner of the world, and you know what? They are inspiring. The ways that people find joy (however small), face challenges (however big), and live the mundane day-to-day — that is inspiring.

So I have decided to share my life's moments — all the delights and all the messes. I think about the lives of my parents and my grandparents and all the stories they have shared about falling in love; being young, married, broke, and crazy; about having kids and growing older and all the filling in between. I wish I could read about it. I wish I could get inside their heads and find out more about my family, and more about why I am who I am. So maybe this is for my future kids and grandkids. So they will know that silly grandma beckyjo used to be young, with smooth skin and an enormous smile, and a desire to live life fully as God intended. Maybe it's for my family who is far away. When you don't talk everyday, sometimes conversations are just the "updates" — work is good, this house project is coming along, the dogs are great, etc., etc. Maybe this way they'll get to see all my favorite moments, which tend to be the ones not worth mentioning in a phone call ("I made the most amazing quesadilla for dinner!" is not necessarily stimulating conversation, but was, however, the most recent delight of my day). And then again, maybe this is just for me. Maybe it's because when I am in the middle of delight, I forget that I need to give and pray and love sacrificially. And because when I am in the middle of sorrow, I forget that I know what joy feels like and that it's not going to hide forever.

So for whatever reason, here it is. My blog. Wish me luck. And thank you, dear Whitney, for encouraging me to write. I love you!